I'm Juss Like "De Bat" / So Fly in Ya Face

Cloying singer-songwriter Carly Simon has further cemented her Head (Adult Contemporary) Bitch in Charge status with her recent descent into YouTube Humor hell. Her first efforts as an auteur showcase a painfully awkward understanding of the medium itself, further emphasizing her well-known fear of performing live. Carly's later videos display a woman fumbling for self-preservation. She eyebrow pencils a canvas of deeply-set wrinkles all over her face in a feigned dismissal of plastic surgery. Another clip has her replacing her naturally vibrant visage with a similarly wigged and made-up chopped-wood doppelganger. Carly is dealing with getting older on her own twisted trajectory, and my YouTube Favorites list is richer for it. Get sweet on these scenes:



"Good morning ('Good morning'). Good morning. Good MORNing. GOOD GOOD GOOD good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Ah, my eyes. SEE MY EYES? Oh, not much. Good morning. Good morning. ('So Mama?') What?"





I dunno what compelled Miss Simon to ruin her ecstatically angular and wind-eroded features with her eyebrow pencil. She's giving me Anna Nicole Smith in Clown Drag moods. Her jewelry collection displayed as door art is radiates Continuing Education in Metal-Smithing realness, too.





The lazy journalist living inside my lazy journalist self wants me to deem this entity weakly waved in front of the camera a log with make-up, but it could very well be a rolled-up ply of sturdy poster board. I also unironically relish the Eyes by Carmindy effect. What not to wear with those peepers!

Carly Simon - De Bat (Fly in Me Face)